An Ode To My Fallen Friend

I remember the day we went to see you for the first time. There was a function in the house, and we were all exhausted but made the effort to come see you. You and your 7 brothers and 1 sister came out and I only saw the two girls who resembled their German Shepherd mother. We went back home and I fought with the world because I had made my mind up that you were coming home with us.

We went back a second time and they asked us to pick which puppy we’d like and the only way to get your pack together was dog biscuits. You were the last one to get in, and you came rushing in and pulled your brothers out by their tail and were the last one standing and ate all the cookies. Your belly was so full, you couldn’t go back upstairs to go back in, and you sat in your royal pose in front of us. We didn’t pick you, you picked us.

Fast forward to 8-weeks later, 26th November 2008, I was sitting my last ever high school exam. It was geography and an afternoon exam. I knew the answers to the questions, but all I could concentrate on was the time. When would the bell ring, and I could run out the school and into the car to come get you.

I picked you up, and sat in the car with you on my lap. That was the best day of my life. I was finally getting what I’d yearned for, for so long, a dog. You whimpered the entire drive home because I had separated you from your pack. You kept me up the whole night that night and even had an accident in my room. I would do that all over again.

The next day, you were still not quite sure about the new surroundings and tried digging your way out. Who knew the solution to winning your heart would have been through a sip of milk? You started trusting me and I carried you around on your throne aka your blankets because you were a queen.

You started teething, and bit into my skin so many times than I can count. I’d go through that all over again. You chewed through so many pairs of shoes and clothes and let’s not forget the laptop cord. I’d give you a 100 more shoes to chew through if I could do this all over again.

We took you to puppy training school. I don’t think you knew what you were doing, neither did we, but you had your eyes on the prize, the little piece of cheese. You were a terror, always going towards other dogs to try and steal their cheese. I think apart from sit and the various paw tricks, you didn’t know much at all. I can live with that all over again.

We anxiously waited for my high school results and to find out whether I’d made it into University. People had given up hope, because I am stupid and got crap grades, heck you didn’t even care or know what was going on. That was the first day you jumped with joy the same way I did and licked my face till the tears would stop flowing.

I started uni, and you were there every step of the way. You’d stick your nose out the window sniffing for me, each time I was picked up after a mid-semester test, in the evening. The minute you’d see me, you’d get so excited. No one has been that excited to see me.

Then came your phase of running out the door. This was a game to you, you wanted us to chase you but at the same time you wanted to chase the neighbourhood cats. I hated this phase.

In 2010, I lost my grandma, you didn’t know her, but you were tasked with the hardest task, consoling me and your grandma. You didn’t know who to go to or where to put your efforts, but once you saw your grandma was okay, you came running to my aid.

That was the first time, I felt pain because of a loss. I could barely express myself. I decided to go against everything I’ve known. Screw being a doctor, or a lawyer, or an accountant, I didn’t care if I graduated uni. I had a stupid dream of wanting to do concerts and rambled on like an idiot and you came and licked my hand. Each time after that I’d say I’m going to do my concerts you’d lick my hand, you probably had no idea what I was saying, but knew that was the right thing to do. I don’t have that anymore. But I do know, that when it happens, you’ll be watching over and wagging your tail.

Where will I get this unconditional love that you gave me for the last 11 years?

People think I’m stupid, dumb, or intelligent, but to you, I’m just me;

People think I’m screwed in the head, or I’m the best thing since sliced bread, but to you, I’m just me;

People think I’m not ambitious enough and don’t chase hard after the money and career growth, or they think I’m excelling at what I do, but to you, I’m just me;

And that was enough.

You made me feel like I was worthy of love by just being me. I didn’t have to do anything to get your love.

If I could go back and cancel all the trips, and moving to Sydney and the hours spent binging on Netflix, I would, just to spend 5-more minutes with you.

I would clean the house a 100 more times, dusting away your fallen fur just to hear you again.

I would do anything just to hear your bark again.

When you’re ready, know that your bed, blanket, and treats are all ready and set up for you.

Hope the gates have been left wide open for you to run around freely, but give the cats up there a break.

Rest in peace my little Breezer – 12th September 2008 – 8th April 2020.

I will never forget the happiness I felt on the 26th of November 2008 (even though to a lot of people that was a dark day).