Motivation

I have been struggling a lot lately. I cannot seem to find any inspiration or motivation in doing anything. Not even in the things that I love doing. The world knows that 2020 was a tough year, but is it just me who is finding 2021 harder?

New Zealand has dealt with the COVID-19 pandemic really well. But somehow, one can’t really shrug off the notion that anything could change at any minute. It’s humans versus science. It’s deadly. Over a year later, we are all still fighting.

There are so many people who haven’t had the chance to do a lot of things, yet there are people who are enjoying life per normal. What a weird juxtaposition. Some of the things that motivated (or rejuvenated) me included travelling. Travelling wide and far, leaving a footprint in different countries. I loved looking forward to such adventures. It’s been over 2-years that I’ve been overseas. I do feel grateful that I can still travel within New Zealand, a chance to get out of Auckland every now and then. But these local trips don’t seem to reenergize me. Does that make me sound like some privileged person, whose middle name is ungrateful?

I went on a trip to Nelson that ended in Wellington. It just so happened that on the day after I arrived, it was announced a traveller from Sydney had been in town over the weekend who had tested positive for COVID upon his return. Panic set in, when I didn’t know what to do or how to react. Mixed emotions ran through me, all I wanted to do was be back home and not on holiday anymore. I came back more exhausted than when I left.

Another thing that I used to love doing was, going to the movies. I love the experience of going to the movies, hell I love the movies. I loved watching new Bollywood movies, a small attempt at staying connected to my roots and holding on to my knowledge of the language. I haven’t watched a new Bollywood movie in a year and a half (possibly longer). I have only been to the movies about 3-4 times since the pandemic hit. This is unlike me.

It’s very hard, when you cannot do the things you love that help you relax and refresh you for the next day or week or month. How do you find the motivation to find new hobbies or do new things and stick to it? I started learning the guitar during lockdown but it’s been a good 7-months since I’ve learned anything new. I don’t even think I’ve retained anything more. When I give something up, it just makes me feel worse, because I feel like a failure that I didn’t keep at it. Yet nothing motivates me to pick it up and re-start it.

So, this is my plea to you, what do you do when you feel like this? How do you fight the exhaustion from taking over?

Until next time,

MiliG