Personal Growth — Mili's Corner

I contemplated what I should title this blog. But I had already used the ones I thought of initially. So, personal growth seemed to be the next best option. After 2 years of New Zealand’s border being closed and not having the opportunity to go overseas for just about 3 years, I decided to be brave and take a chance and book a trip to Sydney.

My thinking behind going to Sydney as opposed to another city was just that, in case, I needed help as we come to terms with travelling in a new normal life, I have people here I could reach out to. This was perhaps the first time in years, that I felt so passionate about getting on a plane to go back to a place that I dreaded for so long.

I wanted to write this blog, to share my experience about this journey being a full circle. It would be great, if you read it as so, as well, rather than interpreting it as anything else. I had moved to Sydney in 2015, without knowing what the future held for me. It was a jump that I had to make, and I could have let my fears overtake me, but instead, I took a leap of faith. I hated every minute of living in Sydney. It wasn’t the glorified city life, that I had imagined. It was instead, the hard, living pay check to pay check life, with little to no savings, and no financial freedom to do anything.

All I could afford was a tiny, studio apartment, which felt like a prison cell. I blamed everything for living such a hard life, and Sydney kept throwing more curve balls at me. I just couldn’t catch a break. My goal of wanting to work in concerts kept slipping away, and I questioned whether this was all worth it. I lasted just under 2 years in Sydney. But now, that I’ve had enough time to reminisce over my time in Sydney, the truth is I should have embraced every single second of it. I made it back to New Zealand in 2017, and once I’d had some time to recover, I started missing Sydney a lot. In fact, I went through a phase of wanting to move back, but I had no strategy or plan behind it. So, I decided to not push through.

I started working in New Zealand, and slowly the thought of heading to Australia for a holiday or even to relocate again, faded away. I had no inkling to even think about buying tickets to Australia, and at one point it felt like, that’s how it could be forever, and I was okay with that. As life would have it, in 2019, I had the opportunity of heading to Sydney to deliver an event. This was the first time I was heading back, and it felt a bit unreal. I remember having anxiety attacks again, as I remembered some of my dark days in Sydney. I had to keep reminding myself, that this was just a temporary trip. As it was a short trip, I was quite literally in and out of the city, I didn’t get to experience too much of it, and that squashed my anxiety.

However, this trip in June 2022, this was different. By this point in time, I had had a taste of success. Whilst I can’t quite claim that what I had done was a concert, it was the closest I’d ever got to it. I am no longer living pay check to pay check, and have a lot more financial freedom than what I did 6 years ago. I got on that plane, still filled with anxiety attacks as I recalled some of the days, but you know what was waiting for me on the other side? A bunch of people who were so excited to see me and made the time to come have a meal with me. A grateful me, who was sleeping in a nice hotel, appreciating that, if it had not been for the time in Sydney, I would have never got to experience and indulge in all the things that I can today. A grown up me, who works hard for her goals. I got to appreciate the other side of me, the one who was standing in the city that she hated, but was the beginning to all of her achievements.

Sydney is the city that made me.

Until next time,

MiliG

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